The early weeks and months after having a baby are a whirlwind of recovery, bonding, and adjusting to life as a parent. Amidst the nappies, night feeds, and emotional shifts, intimacy might not be top of your priority list - and that’s completely normal.
Every body, relationship, and recovery is different. Whether you feel ready for sex within a few weeks or not for several months, there is no 'right' time to resume intimacy after birth. The most important thing is to listen to your body, honour your emotional needs, and move at a pace that feels comfortable for both you and your partner.
Here’s what to expect, common concerns, and expert-backed advice on sex and relationships after childbirth.
When Is It Safe to Have Sex After Birth?
Physically, most people are advised to wait until bleeding (lochia) has stopped and any tears, stitches, or caesarean wounds have healed. This is usually around 4 to 6 weeks postpartum, but it can vary greatly.
If you’re still experiencing bleeding or discharge, or have pain or discomfort, it’s best to delay penetrative sex and speak to your midwife or GP.
How Will My Body Feel?
After birth, your body needs time to recover. You may experience:
- Vaginal dryness (especially if breastfeeding)
- Tenderness around tears or scars
- Reduced libido from tiredness or hormonal shifts
Give yourself permission to heal. Using a water-based lubricant can help with comfort, especially if you’re breastfeeding, as oestrogen levels can be lower.
Communicate Openly With Your Partner
It’s natural to have mixed feelings about sex after giving birth. You might:
- Feel less confident about your post-birth body
- Worry your partner expects sex before you’re ready
- Feel disconnected or touched-out from constant contact with your baby
Let your partner know how you feel. Open, honest conversations help build intimacy, even when sex isn’t on the cards. Simple things like cuddling, kissing, or just spending time together can help maintain closeness.
Prioritise Emotional Wellbeing
The postpartum period can feel overwhelming, both physically and emotionally. It’s common to experience:
- Low mood or irritability
- A dip in libido
- Feelings of anxiety or disconnect
If you’re struggling to enjoy things you used to, or feel persistently low, speak to your health visitor, GP, or midwife. You might be experiencing postnatal depression, and help is available.
Tips for Easing Back Into Intimacy
1. Start Slowly
You don’t have to go straight to penetrative sex. Touch, massage, cuddling, or talking can all rebuild closeness and comfort.
2. Use Lubrication
Hormonal changes, especially while breastfeeding, can lead to vaginal dryness. Use a gentle, water-based lubricant to reduce discomfort.
3. Explore Different Positions
Choose positions that give you control over depth and pace. Communicate with your partner about what feels good (and what doesn’t).
4. Wait Until Bleeding Has Stopped
To reduce the risk of infection, it’s best to avoid penetrative sex until bleeding has stopped. If you prefer not to wait, using condoms can help minimize risk.
5. Accept Help and Rest
Fatigue is one of the biggest barriers to intimacy. Accept offers of help from family or friends, and carve out moments to rest, even if only briefly.
Contraception After Birth
It is possible to get pregnant again soon after giving birth, even if you’re breastfeeding and your periods haven’t returned.
Discuss contraception with your midwife, health visitor, or GP. If you’re breastfeeding, make sure they know, as some methods may affect milk supply.
Midwife’s Top Tips
- There is no set timeline - do what feels right for you.
- Be kind to yourself - your body has done something incredible.
- Use lubrication to ease discomfort, especially when breastfeeding.
- Stay emotionally connected with small acts of affection.
- Talk to your midwife or GP if you experience pain, low mood, or anxiety.
Sex and intimacy after birth can look different for every couple. For some, desire returns quickly. For others, it takes time. There is no rush.
Be patient with your body and gentle with your expectations. Communicate with your partner, look after your emotional wellbeing, and remember that love and connection come in many forms. You will find your way back to intimacy when the time is right.
